Hey everybody! I hope your week is going well. Tomorrow is a new month! Crazy how we are already 3 months into the Year.
This wasn’t the topic I intended to post for the EoME. And although I initially didn’t want to talk about it, it fits perfectly with how I have been feeling for the past couple of weeks.
This is quite a deep topic that I sometimes find hard to talk about or address because it is very personal and I still struggle with them.
Let me know if you guys can relate to this post… Do feel free to share your thoughts and opinions and experiences (if you are comfortable)
Insecurity can mean different things but the context of insecurity is not based on a lack of safety. This is based on an individual’s perspective of themselves.
The INSECURITY I’m referring to means: a lack of confidence in oneself.
Many of us don’t roam the world thinking we are amazing. The underlying emotion that unfortunately forms our self-image and behaviour in such an overwhelming way, is insecurity.
A lot of us are self-critical and hateful towards ourselves. I am one of them. Has that changed? Not really. Will it change? I am yet to find out. But can it be improved? Yes, with time, experience and support.
Every one of us has been self-critical. Some for good reasons and others, not so much. Many of us tend to perceive ourselves as different and it is usually in a negative manner as opposed to a positive one. We are now living in a generation where we continuously and repetitively compare ourselves and judge tremendously. But the question is, what causes you to feel insecure? Where is this insecurity coming from and why? Once we have an answer or an idea of what it could possibly be, we could work towards challenging and overcoming them.
Many of our inner critical voices stem from early childhood experiences that we either 1) experienced, 2) witnessed or 3) heard. All these affected us painfully so that we subconsciously internalised them and as we grew up and matured, unconsciously integrate this pattern of detrimental thoughts and feelings towards others as well as ourselves. Did we feel seen when we were younger? Did we feel heard? Did we feel safe and secure? Loved? Understood? Valued? Could the insecurity stem from our family and friends’ perception of themselves, that we started to internalise those points of view as our own?
Using myself as an example, I never felt heard, understood, seen or valued. I always felt and thought I was problematic. I felt alienated. I felt like an embarrassment and I definitely felt underappreciated or remembered. Lately, I felt like giving up on everything. And when I say everything, I literally mean everything. It felt like nothing was moving forward in my life. Blogging, career, spiritually, mentally, socially and emotionally. Do I still feel like this? Absolutely!
Am I working towards changing this? 100%.
Have you noticed that the critical inner voice is impressively loud and deafening when you want to achieve a goal? Sometimes, at work I always have these continuous thoughts such as “you don’t know what you’re doing”, “you’re so stupid. Look at you making all these mistakes”, and “There’s no way you can do this”, “Nobody likes you”, “Your career comes first before yourself”. Recently, this month, I have felt smaller than when I was a student since becoming a Newly Qualified Nurse. I am quick to react to my thoughts before I realise I have them. And more recently, I have noticed that I pull away and become isolated from everything and everyone else. Sometimes, I delay the dreams I strive to achieve. Sometimes, I project my thoughts on others.
At home, I feel like the worst child and sibling because most of the time, I don’t have the strength to do much around the house like I used to. The thought “you barely do anything around the house because you’re always tired and stressed, “Do they really love you?” ” Aren’t you a lazy person?”, Many things I do whether it is domestically or socially, are now all dependent on my mood. A contributing factor is my Mental Health but also because of my insecurities. As a friend, I feel like I have abandoned my friends and don’t make time to see or speak to them. And I constantly walk around with the feeling of guilt hanging over my head. But I am slowly trying to work hard to power through them all to ‘overcome’ them.
How can you overcome insecurity?
Some steps/suggestions:
- having an idea of where it is coming from and the influence it has
- therapy/counselling
- counteracting by affirming positive words to yourself
- identifying them as false and becoming aware of the truth
- thinking about the positive things people have said to and about you
- (if you come from a faith background) pray
- questioning why you feel and think this way
- absorbing positive content
With change comes anxiety. It won’t be a walk in the park. It will be frustrating, emotional and tiring. They will be uncomfortable to confront. I cannot say that you will completely overcome or feel secure because not everyone does and not everyone will. I know because I am currently living it. However, note that it is POSSIBLE! But the most important thing you can do is acknowledge it and take that bold step.
And TRY.
“You gotta get up and try, try, try”
See you next month.
Transparency Talks Truth 