7. Friends

Hey guys! Welcome back to another EoME. The first of this year!

I hope you all have had a good month so far.

Let us talk about everything friends and friendship related.

If I am being honest, sometimes I do not feel like a ‘friend’. Sometimes I feel like an option. I read a quote that said, in summary; that the best way to avoid being disappointed is by not thinking that everyone is your friend.
What I learnt from my experiences with people and ‘friends’ is that
1. You need to define what you call a ‘friend’ and
2. Know and understand what friendship means to you and what that entails.
I believe once you figure that out, a lot of things become clearer and easier to manage.

Now, what do I mean by that? Well, you will put less faith and trust in certain people once you start to analyze their character and the dynamic of the ‘friendship’. It will also reduce disappointments and hurt, should anything unfortunate happen.
There are many people around you too who you, are more of a friend than they are to you. And that’s the painful thing.

I have experienced countless disappointing friendships because I always see the good in people before I see the bad. Most of my problems occurred when I had too many ‘friends’ or claimed every single person I liked as a friend. It caused a lot of damage to myself, pain and confusion because I didn’t know where some, if not most of my problems were coming from and WHO it was created by.

An example I would share is that a couple of months back, I met up with a group of girls who I thought were my friends (‘reunion’). One of them made a comment and asked where I had been for 3 years. She stated I had been a ghost and could have picked up my phone to get in touch. That statement burned like never before for many reasons.
In those 3 years, I was battling with my mental health and everything that came with it. I was battling the pressures of being the firstborn and trying to balance nursing-student life (which I may add is VERY different to other students who are non-medical). Not to mention that once in a while, I would keep in touch by messaging or randomly calling to check in on them, despite my poor mental and physical health along with my ‘impossible’ schedule. There had been times when I would make an effort to travel locally to them to visit them or use that time I was in the area to see each other but they never once made that effort whilst I was at university (In London). I only really heard from them when they heard from me first.

Some may believe I stopped ‘checking in’ or popping up because I stopped or never cared or became too busy for them (I am forever busy but I always try to make time for people). But the truth is, many people stopped hearing from me because they did not show or put in any effort to see or check in on me. So when I took a step back to refocus and put my energy into my priorities, I didn’t hear from them. I cared way too much that I felt like I was forcing myself to hold onto something that will eventually break and drag me down.

Look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself these questions:
1. Are you a good friend?
2. How are you a good friend?
3. Who are your friends and who can you call in times of need?
4. What is a friend? What does friendship mean to you?
5. When you talk to your ‘friends’, do you feel safe? Do you feel supported? Do you feel valued? Do you feel judged? Do you feel heard? Do you feel seen? Do you feel better?
6. How are your friendships like? Do you feel used? Do they reciprocate the same energy?
7. What is the dynamic of the friendship like? In what season do they check up on you?
8. Do you feel drained in the friendship?
9. How do you feel with or without them around you?
10. Are they worth it?