Healing

I am on a journey to inner healing… Spiritual healing to be precise. And it is taking A LOT of time. It is not easy. It is emotional. It is challenging. It is frustrating. It is character-building. It is scary but also liberating and exciting.

Today as I was in deep thought, I started to get a headache. And this wasn’t any “normal” type of headache. This headache was because of the trauma I had experienced in the past that I was processing in one go. All the negative thoughts and perceptions I had about myself and my life led me to my ‘brokenness’. I recall being in the shower and randomly thinking about all the glasses I had worn in secondary and 6th form how the temples of my glasses were broken and the fact that I didn’t replace them with new ones.
Then it suddenly made sense. I was holding onto pieces of objects that represented me at the time. Broken, unstable and all over the place. A. Whole. Mess. I absolutely HATED everything concerning me, my life and my future.

There were many things I did not do correctly concerning myself. Those were:
Not respecting myself
A huge lack of self-love
ZERO self-confidence
Self-hate
Self-sabotaging
Neglecting self-care
Not valuing myself
Gaslighting my problems
Pressuring myself
Allowing people’s opinions of me slowly destroys me

All of these led to people getting away with things I should have never allowed in the first place. I Internalised false truths, rumours, accusations and judgement about myself and my identity. And as a result, had missed out on amazing opportunities that could have benefitted me, my career and my future because those were the contributing factors that held me back.

Writing this was quite emotional because I still feel the pain and heaviness in my heart. But it is not as intense as they were when everything was fresh and cooking. I write all of this to say that change comes from within as well as the right people around you to help kick-start it.
Healing is a choice that I finally decided to make and journey along. It’s not all rosy and smooth but I am going to endure to the very end because I know that it will be worth the transformation and journey. I am here to be made whole again. I am finding myself
I am going to trust the process and I will most definitely trust in the Lord [Isaiah 26:4]

What does healing mean to you and if you are going through the process of healing, how is it going and what tools are you using and doing that are helping you heal?

I’ll go first – writing, hearing people’s experiences, watching people’s testimonies, praying and communicating with very close friends and family.