YOU are NOT your past.

A couple of years ago, I’d always hide and shy away from admitting the current situation I was in and what I was facing. I was very embarrassed by where I was and what I was running away from.

Many times, when we grow or are in the growing process and we move away from the ugly situation we were once in, we tend to be ashamed about where we came from. We all have a past. We all came from somewhere. Our past shouldn’t define who we are now! If anything, it should shape, strengthen and give us the courage to reflect on what we went through and be proud of how far we’ve come. We should use our past as an example & learn from it, so as we transition and grow into the person we’re becoming, we should be proud and grateful.

I can ramble on about me and my past because I have got A LOT to say about it! But one of the many stories I will dish out will be the situation relating to my Mental Health, bullying and insecurities.
From primary school up until my first year of university, bullying has been a huge part of my life growing up and it has shaped me into the young woman I am today.

FROM:

– Being beaten with a plastic skipping rope

– To being punched a couple of times (in the face may I add)

– To be isolated from others

– Pushed and dragged around the hallway

– Having litter and rubbish thrown at me

– Being called on private/no caller ID and be threatened and have threats sent to my younger siblings

– Being intimidated by other pupils from different schools

– Being circled by different students in the playground/hallways

– Followed

– Having hands put on my throat and pinned to a wall

– Horrible rumours spread

– Fake friends participating in mocking and insults

and many more!

• To this day, I still get a little bit emotional about it all because it was a VERY HARD and a STRESSFUL DEPRESSING period for me. I got so bad that I would fake being sick just to avoid going to school or whilst at school, I would find a hiding spot and stay there until break and lunchtime was over. My grades plummeted drastically. From being an A-B achieving student to a D-G achieving student.

• With regards to my mental health, nothing made sense to me. I was a frustrated, angry, insecure and lonely depressed young girl, who lost all ambition and the will to do anything for herself. I would go days without eating and search online for different ways to physically harm myself. I LOST MYSELF.

• I became insecure about everything and anything regarding my past, present and future. When I would look at myself in the mirror, I would gag and become ashamed and disgusted. I cannot wholeheartedly say that I have overcome all of my insecurities but I can say that I am nowhere near as insecure as I was years ago. That is because I have grown and I am continuously growing, learning, unlearning and nurturing. It seems like a very long and painful journey but it has been worth every moment. Because today, I am a lot better and I have come A LONG way. I have still got a long fight and a long road ahead of me, but I will continue to endure and walk the walk because I know that when I get to the end, there is a party and celebration waiting for me.

Please, never be afraid of the person you are transitioning into! You’re bigger and better than your demons. You’re growing and flourishing. The idea may be exciting, but scary. It can be an overwhelming thing to picture because it will come with new challenges and responsibilities that our past would have trained and prepared us for!

You’re doing a good job. Remember who you are, where you came from and where you’re heading because it’s going to be great!

As I write this, I am also speaking to myself because I do not always see or believe this.

S