Honesty and Transparency

Hey Beautiful people! I am hoping you are having a good start to a new month.

I know I have not been putting much effort and time into my blog for many reasons, which has caused A LOT of inconsistency, something I will later get into. But something came to mind as I was thinking about what would be the first kind of post I will publish on my blog as a comeback – and the topic of Honesty and Transparency came up, which ironically, is the whole foundation and purpose of this blog.

What is the definition of honesty? In simple terms, it means being truthful.

What is the definition of Transparency? In other words, being transparent means being open and clear. Something this post will demonstrate.

You see, for a while, maybe about two months or even more, I haven’t had the zeal or passion for writing any poems, spoken words and stories. Imagine the thought of blogging. I have been feeling down in spirit. I had a period of feeling depressed, lost, frustrated and confused. I felt S T U C K! I did not feel a sense of purpose or direction in my life and that was due to being in a placement area where there were issues and challenges I was facing and because I was quickly approaching the end of my Nursing degree. It was a very weird period.

I felt many emotions such as:
Hopeless
Jobless
Useless
Worthless
Frustrated
Invisible
Depressed
Behind
Lost
Confused
Insecure
Lonely
Stagnant

Another reason was that I did not believe in myself. A couple of months ago, my confidence hit rock bottom and my sense of self-worth flew out of the window. What had caused that was comparing myself and still holding onto some of the trauma that I had endured over the years that I had not properly dealt with. Saying this, reminded me of the spoken word poetry I wrote called “the misery that never left”. In that piece, I wrote, “Misery marvelled at my combination of fragility and failings. It mocked my incapability to stand on my own two feet. But strangely enough, despite tearing me down, it gave me a feeling of consolation”. To translate, I was in a place where I was comfortable being uncomfortable. I lost most of my confidence and didn’t see my value or worth. With all the negativity and toxicity around me, strangely enough, it did not scare me. I felt safe because I was used to the constant feeling. It was not foreign, so why should I fear something I know?

However, as I was feeling like this, I quickly started to realise that I was losing my sanity whenever I had quiet time to myself to really reflect on everything. And that was when I decided enough was enough. Things have got to change. Because since I was feeling like this, I knew deep down I have potential and that things will eventually get better but it will not get better if I do not make an effort to move forward, upwards and onwards!

I can say now that I am in a better headspace and place, but it is FAR from where I should be and where I want to be. But with steady progress, I will surely get there. But it first starts with me learning to be more vulnerable, transparent and honest! And I will fulfil my purpose, the purpose of this blog and achieve everything I pray and hope for!

Stay tuned for more posts and content!

Until next time,
S x